The Mega Mannat hoax !!!!

I have been flooded with mails from everywhere sending me the mail which has been making the rounds on the net of the ever elusive Mannat.

Suddenly everyone seems to be envious of my visit to this nest that belongs to Shah Rukh Khan. One look at the photos and even I was taken aback. My jaw did defy gravity and hit the ceiling. Calm down...its not because Mannat really looks photogenic. It's because this was a big hoax.This was not Mannat. It was complete bull shit. How can someone actually pass this off as the real stuff. God this is scary!!!

Taking the crusade of clearing the air on such rubbish. Let me tell you if any of you have been on the darker side of the net...you, your loved one, your pet or your house do let me know. This evil side of the information highway has suddenly started to fascinate me. And if there is anything that you think I am the final authority on then feel free to post it and let me clear the air.

Just keep you fingers crossed that it should irk me enough to answer!!!

(p.s: the photo that I have attached with this blog again is not Mannat, its from the same fake mail. So it allows you to recognize the false alarm..) Till next time its HOME SHANTI HOME.

Why does SRK look the way he does?

Just saw a photo of Shah Rukh Khan and the way he looked, made me gape at him with unashamed shock...just made me wonder how can some one cross fourty years on his birthday cake and still look this way.

My guess-timates for his supple and youthful looks are as below: Could it be?

1. Happiness...

2. Success...

3. Super success...

4. Drive to look like this...

5. Happy Marriage...

6. Genes...

7. Love of million people...

8. Gym Membership

9. House called Mannat.

10. Tandoori Chicken...

11.Allah's Blessings...

If you have any more guesses as to what could be SRK's elixir of life!!! Dash it to me!!!

Friday Jitters For Yash Chopra Clan

The news is finally sealed and delivered. Yash Chopra's latest offering Jhoom Barabar Jhoom has faultered at the box office and how. The trade pundits are shouting at the roof tops that the film has bit the dust. Sivaji has eaten this Aki Nirula's fashion showing for lunch, dinner and idli... "Boss ek picture hit hain and doosri dabba", informs by spy at the ticket counter in Fame Ad Labs with a smirk that will make the best of us cringe. It may take years to make one film..but it takes one opinion to send your intestines into a mess.

As far as I am concerned this film was a big hog wash. Total crap. Nothing to offer. Nothing to crave about...and nothing to write home about. The saving grace of the movie was the stars who gave their best to fight the unreal surrounding they were placed in. The surprise packet was Bobby Deol without a doubt. Finally he seems to shed his lazy outlook and get his act right. He seems to give it his best and it shows. This film may have flopped, but it brings Bobby of yore- back. Lara proves that she is versatile. From a french chick to a cheap whore in Southhall certainly needs range. Whore kuch nahin!!!

It's not that I am rejoicing a failure of a film. Only I am thrilled that finally YRF also has been bitten by the Friday bug. All the filmis are finally celebrating and that chorus seems to say, " even they are human...even they have tasted failure." Now no one can say get the big stars like Yash Chopra does and you will know what is success...even they flop. The writing on the box office wall is clear...The myth of making a bad film and packaging it well is not going to save the movie. So what if you are Yash Chopra productions!!!

If Mukta makes a bad film, Good Boy Bad Boy they will be thrashed. If Ravi Copra goofs up with Baabul, he will be ripped. And if you make Jhoom Barabar jhoom you wont be spared. You could be anyone. The public is not going to allow you too many mistakes. They bleched with Kabul Express. They sighed with Tara Rum Pum and by the time Jhoom was served to them, it was time for them to throw up.

Out of all days, Friday is great leveller. It brings all to one level. The YRF team has found that out this 'fry'day. And hopefully they would amends quickly. And the other indelible truth that Friday has warned all film folks in Bombay is: Never ever mess with Rajnikanth. He is the BOSS.

What YRF can't???...RajniKANT!!!

The Gupta Gyan

Sanjay Gupta is back with a bang. This time the bang is not connected with "a stunner who can gyrate to a song". Its the big bang at the box office. White feather has delivered a hit and everything is gung ho with the trade pundits who have many scores to settle with Gupta.

They feel he does his own thing. They think he makes movies which are not universal hits. They think he is very stylized and reflects no soul. They feel he is living in some cocoon. In simple language when these barbs are translated it means ( but they dont have the balls to say it openly): " This man is having a blast of a time doing what he knows best: MOVIES!!!"

He reads tons and tons of books. Shockers of all he reads charles burowski too. He reacts to new authors and books like a child reacts to candy. He has thousands of movies on DVD and he watches it with a passion, you and me ordinary mortals make love to our loved ones with. Be it Irani, Malyasian, Chinese or Russian he watches all movies. Unlike some directors who claim status by quoting books and talking international cinema, Gupta does not feel the need to flaunt his knowledge. He instead parties and you see quaint photos of him in "dumb" parties. But he does not want to impress anyone. He wants to make his movies. He wants to make his brand of cinema.

And finally he will be able to do so. Many have attempted to ape his stylised way of his movies. But they have failed. Infact when others make movies that have the cutting edge...we are already saying, " that was such a Sanjay Gupta genre of film".

Which means he is already become an "adjective". From a proper name to adjective. Sanjay Gupta has come a long way...

Roll in the limousine, bring out the champagne glassess...uhh where are the fine legs. Throw in Sanju Baba with the golden tooth cap...sprinkle in the infectious beat and what you have is Gupta Gyan. Totally addictive..Just like gupt gyan!!!

The Music Ghai

Subhash Ghai, my buddy has send me a Cd with a song he has just recorded and he transports me to another world. The man has a way of making music, eternal. Almost every film of his has scored with music. The man wants to know what I think about the song. What I think? God its awesome, it rocks, its forcing me to hit the rewind button again and again so my ears can celebrate what he has created.

Everyone associates music with the showman Subhash Ghai for all the right reasons. But very few have been as lucky enough as me as to be closely connected to this genius as to know why his music never fails.

The man and his music mantra is a very simple one. He is married to music. He does not only has a ear for good music, he plays around five instruments himself. Talking about his love for music he tells me, " it was because of my mum and dad that I took to music. They told me to hear what the when the world makes music when its not doing so in the real sense of the word. Be it the sound of temple bells and the persuasive singing of a seller trading his wares. The cattle grazing, the human chomping on a delicious meal, the soft caress of a wind...music makes the world go around." If you feel this was too much of a find for music then wait for what this film man tells me further, "next time you are stuck in a traffic jam...dont lose your temper..listen to the music and you will feel it..." Yeah right!!!

His day begins with music, he drives with music on, he has breakfast, lunch and dinner with music playing. He goes off to sleep with music singing him a lullaby...if music wont make him a muse whom else would it choose as a delivery medium?

As a word of advice to me, the restless soul Ghai tells me why don't I use my Ipod to listen to some music and he guarantees me it will calm me down. He tells me as a cure for my insomnia i should listen to music. I take his advice seriously...the night falls and I put the music waves on. Only with me in seconds all the emotions connected with various songs come gushing to me and I am terribly disturbed. I rush to the mobile make some calls so that my heart can rest for a while...the phone is not answered...i call another number that can calm my nerves even that number is not reachable. I forget the music and its positive effects it has for the Music Ghai...its effect on me has been devastating. I reprimand myself that I should stick to music only in the day time when people are walking on the roads and my loved ones are awake to answer my call.

I am damn disturbed. I need to do something about my head and now that it is shivering with love, betrayal, pain, happiness, memories, dejection, craving et all at the same time. I need the human touch. I dont have any. In this anguish it dawns on me on why music is such a universal language?

A slow song means slow dance in Madras and it means the same in Madrid. It bring back memories in Japan and the same it does in Bombay city. I am bursting I should have never tried music as a sleeping partner. Here I am blogging so I connect with someone...

If music be the food of love... somebody hear me!!! Or should I sing, " Help I need somebody..help..."

The Hospitality Industry!!!

The oxygen mask is weaving life into my dad who is admitted in Leelavati and I stand helplessly waiting for the doctors to do a fine job. Hospitals have a strange effect on me. I get strange in the strerile atmosphere..almost get philosiphical and usually end up asking the question, " all that running around in life -for this prescription. Not worth it."

Every hospital visit slows me down. It calms me. Tells me to stop the tour bus called "life" and get off so I can breathe a little. But above it all I get filmi, in terms of being dramatic. I think of all the memorable movies from Anand to Kal Ho Na Ho and wonder how it would be if we had to enact a scene that one has seen in movies in real life. Would I try humour as Rajesh Khanna and Shah Rukh tried. Or would I mope. For an answer I will have to wait till i hit the white sheets. (My dad in some way was quite a rock star in the icu i must admit...he moved off the ventilator in one day and the doctors were shocked by his power to fight back).

But sitting there in Leelavati I did give a thought to all my other celebrity filmi friends who have come to the hospital and found themselves covered by the media and hounded to unreal levels. Be it Karan Johar, Shah Rukh, Amitabh Bachchan, Sanjay Gupta when they were here in this same hospital they were never given their space. The shutter bugs got on thier nerves. Sometimes the press bribed the security to get into the ward so they could get exclusive footage (ugh!!!).

The uncertainity of the times, the smell of pain just around the corner, the simulation of hope can be quite tiring and nobody deserves intrusion when they are in hospital fighting the delicate battle between the medicine and the flatline. I just wondered how my freinds tackled all of it and still managed to smile.

Luckily for me I am not a celebrity and I am allowed my privacy. This moment when I sit in the stark white room of the hospital i wish i remain that way...so that i can be myself in hospitals. No cameras, no fake concern, no strangers dropping in to wish speedy recovery...no nothing. Just me, my health, my doctors and my fate- and I am DEAD sure about this.

Hey Baby!!!Sajid Khan is going to make you pee.

I am saying so as if I am soothsayer...but mark my word today I am penning thoughts about a man who has yet not be discovered as a film director by the whole wide world, but will be in a matter of some months.

I am not saying these things about him because I have worked on the film with him..nor I am allowing my freindship with him colour my perspective.

I am just writing it earlier in blog space somewhere on the information highway..because later I can I say it, " I always knew!!!"

This man some years ago would make you laugh your pants off by doing shows on television. ( Knowing him and his humour he also has the power to convince you to stay that way..so when you laugh you dont know what are you laughing at his jokes..or at yourself naked). Yes I am talking about the one and only laugh riot- Sajid Khan.

For months this man has been completely devoted to his first film and he has sacrificied his jokes, his one liners and his acerbic sense of ha ha he he...into making a movie Hey Baby. His baby is all shaped up and is soon to hit the theatre near you on a certain Friday.

When you make a mad man compress all his mirth into a film..what you get is a mad ride on the wild side. Hey Baby, you can take my word will make you roll from your seats to the aisles. I would suggest you carry your diapers too..because some of you make even leak a wee bit. You know what I mean, that wee little pee wee that comes out when you cant control your insides and your outsides.

You can be sure that the two hours fifteen minutes when you see Sajid Khan's film he will control you. Now thats what I call hall of fame for any film director...

So finally here comes a movie that passes the 'P' test. Your Diaper gets wet and the 'P'aying 'P'ublic finally can announce 'P'aisa Vasool.

Pee S: If I am wrong about this, you can pee on this blog. If you are into kinky stuff...you can pee on me.

Ash-Abhi Abhi Nahin...

Suddenly the whole media hoopla around the big fat Indian wedding is over. Nobody is talking about Abhi and Ash.

What did they do next? How was the honey moon? Did they lose thier baggage en route? Was the hotel manager given a big tip by the couple? Where are they going to next? No questions..no answers...no drama..no attention. Just simply dropped from the limelight? What sin have they committed for such a mass media ignore...

You dont have to be Sherlock Holmes to answer that? But just in case you are in duh mode for the moment. Let me tell you, simple yaar! They are no longer the tasty-yummy most eligible bachelors of the century-but plain staid, ordinary husband-wife now.

Phew!!!

Phool and Final

I have yet to see the movie but the reviewers have been abusing the movie Fool and Final. They feel it does not even deserve any star ratings. But then thats movie making sometimes you recieve the Phool and sometimes its sometimes it fool (full) stop for your career. It must pinch a creative soul to get such pathetic reviwers after all Ahmed Khan must have put his heart and soul out to dish out a movie like this. But when its friday..nobody cares. Its FRY-Day if you have goofed up.

Like Mahesh Bhatt had once told me, " Critics are like mosquitoes. They survive because of you. If you are going to make something they will rip it apart. Thats their job. They are around, because you are." This sounds good to people who have not experienced the stings of bad reviews. But ask Ahmed Khan today he would want to de-skin each and everyone who has hated his movie.

But if I were him I would not do that because it feels the whole country has called his film, "drivel", instead he should preserve his energy and use it to make another film. This time he should not live in "fool's" paradise.

Reign Man...Oops Rain Man!!!!

Sitting at my coffee shop I was surprised by the sudden showers that seem to drench Mumbai city.
Nobody was expecting it and I am no alien. So my Ferrari lap top almost ran for cover and my latest nokia shreaked for help. In all the commotion I saw SRK sleek BMW whizz by and he actually slipped out of his car to wave out to me. I was earlier the rain man and I just was wished by Reign man. This monsoon will augur well. The rain drops seem to say it.