Gossip..Grapevine and Underwears!!!

For all the readers, friends and gossip hungry eels there is some real bad news. Thank you for all the stinkers I received simply because for the last three weeks I have not written Bollywood gup-shup or what have you. The bad news is as you can see from the title of the blog that I am no longer going to be writing what the gristmills are abuzz with. Phew!!! now that I have said it I feel much much better.

The shocking part of it all was when I began writing this blog my intention was never to write only about Bollywood and its so called stars.
If you want the hottest gossip on the film stars I am sure there are many thrashy sites that are doing that job and doing a very fine job of it.
To set the record straight this blog is going to be writing…and writing that concerns me. Things that I feel strongly about. In that if I may sometimes write about movies that make my day or fuck my mind up. Some stars that I want to address or issues that need some thought in cyber space. It may be about my sojourn to the wilderness or to Egypt. It could be anything. But to actually expect me to only write about Bollywood gossip would be sacrilege.
Agreed I work in the movies. I live and breathe movies. But that does not mean my world around me is a film cocoon. What if you are a doctor and you come home to eat intestines..tell your parents about the child you just aborted…or when you meet you friends you carry along tales with you on a cyst ruptured when you were getting it out of a ninty year old lady.
Does the thought repel you? Well movie gossip, movies news and movies trivia all the time for me…upsets me. Sometimes fact is stranger than fiction. Try the taste of life gossip mongers-you will love it. By this I don’t mean I am stopped taking interest in gossip mind you..No never gossip, grist mills, grapevine all are delicious and worth a try and a shot-but there is more to life than just that.Thats all I would I like to clarify once for all.
Dirty linen smells nice and tasty when it belongs to someone else but the stench gets really bad when you its your own underwear…that too with the stink of yesterday. Sometimes smell your own underwear its good for your olfactory channel.

(p.s: I hope I am not sounding holier than thou in this piece. I am just making my stand clear )

Snails and Ladders

It's raining in Bombay and its causing all the muck in the concrete jungle. We keep waiting for the heavens to shower us with cool drops and when it actually pours we go running scared...so not to get wet. Big deal. I wonder whats the big fuss we make about getting wet. Its not acid...we are not going to melt. Nor are we going to catch the cold. But we still panic and run for shelter as if its the end of the world. But there is one dude who does not seem to panic come ran or shine. My eye candy-the snail.

These creatures come around my building gardens around the rains and watching them lead a calm life always is a reminder that I am doing it all wrong. They dont panic.(they cant afford to). Whenever the enemy looms large they withdraw in their shell only to re-emerge with renewed vigour just within few seconds. Be it rain, floods or gooey muck land they never seem to tire, trying to stay afloat. But the best of these creatures is that wherever they go they leave their mark behind(the little shiny sticky glue kind of foot prints)

Watching the teeny weenie snails is always therapeutic. It makes you think nothing is worth feeling small about. And whenever the going gets tough you have to pick your shell and baggage and move ahead. The big foot coming to crush you, should not kill the spirit in you. After all this is nature's snails and ladders. Someone will own the foot and someone the fragile shell...someone will be powerful to destroy and the other will be defined because they can be destroyed.

But forget the power of the meek and the strong. Forget the politics of survival. Its time like the snail to get out in the rain. Get soaked in life. To take life as it comes. Nothing to worry just like the snail lets look up and march ahead. What will have to befall, will. What has to go wrong, will. Or you may reach the cool confines of the humid wall near by, where yummy moss grows...and life will pass as smoothly as slippery fellow- snail.

Beauty of nothingness and botox!!!

My friends were upset that I was not changing my blog for some days now...not replying back to their mail..not reverting back to the voice mail messages. All this because I suddenly realized I needed a break. So what I did was got up all by myself, packed my underwears in a bag and left on a weekend hideout.

And god what an experience it was. I was there in the midst of mist, in the bosom of mother nature... simply because I wanted to slow down. Becuase I have been running to hard to keep up. I wanted to do nothing of that sort for some days. I wanted to be in my pyjamas... not run any race..not be answerable to anyone and not to meet any deadlines. And I suddenly i realized how difficult it was for me to do just NOTHING.

Doing nothing is a blessing we all seem to have forgotten. Either we all are not being allowed this luxury, or we all are collectively destroying the power of doing shit all. The need to seen makes us go to the disco on saturday nights when we should just curl up in bed with a hot cup of mocha, peer pressure c0mpels us to get ready and rush for the sunday brunch. The man who pays you your cheques shows you eyes if you dont come to his hell hole on monday... from tuesday onwards we sell are soul simply because we want to compete with noone but our own self. This way we are all losing are right to just-hang loose. And discover the joy of doing absolutely nothing!!!

I tried it this time and god how difficult it was. Every minute I was thinking whats going to be happening to projects??? whats happening to my uncle who is going to London??? What's with my readers who must have left messages for me on my site??? what about my Labrador Bageera who will miss...what about my mum? what about global warming? what about my mobile message counter...whats with my friends????I was just not refusing to let go.

And then I said fuck it...all can wait. The messages, the money, the love, the stars, the gossip, the sex, the responsibilities and the movies. I needed time for myself. So i junked the mobile got into the rains and soaked myself with the unthinkable joy of doing nothing at all. I did this for three days

(thats all I could manage this time over-and I have promised myself a longer sojourn next time), and now I am back. I feel like a star. Just three days have done the trick for me.

Success is not about making mansions, and leaving behind legacies. After all how many of us remember our great great great fathers. (actually lets just make its our father's father's father---feels like a further off memory). Then whom are we doing all this for. Success is about owning your time. Ownership rights on the seconds that are passing by is the true treasure.

Today I feel like a de-toxified glow worm. Glowing because I did it. Spent time with MYSELF.

Have you tried it? Please do and take my word for it-it works better than botox.

Brand new posters of Chak De are over the Mumbai city skyline. There is a small difference in the first promo released in the theatres to these slick hoardings and the new series released on television. The girls in the movie have been unceremoniously dropped. And Shah Rukh makes his presence felt.
They eleven or was it fourteen girls (actually does not matter) were proudly presented in the video cum promo in the world wide release of Jhoom Bara Bara. There was a world wide out cry over how bad that particular promo was. So bad was the reaction that YRF got the promo removed from the theatre in three days. But luckily not all is going wrong for Yash Chopra camp, nobody went in to see Jhoom so they got ample time to correct their latest gaffe. And this way not many saw the first bad promo of Chak De.
With three movies failing to make an impact on the balance sheet. Yash Chopra have returned back to the card that always works Shah Rukh Khan. So they may have their Dhooms, Hum and tums but when it comes to raking in the moolah you have to shove the hockey sticks where it forces the audiences to pay up pronto. And Yash Raj has learned that lesson quickly. They are making amends and it shows.
Hope the move to throw hockey team out of a hockey team film proves fruitful to the Yash Raj company. Hope SRK magic works for them yet again. Hope all the girls acting in the movie get acting career after this flick. Hope Indian hockey gets little attention in all this hype and hoopla. Hope women’s hockey in this country makes a comeback…actually there is a lot of hope in the last para I have typed. That’s all Yash Raj is counting the Friday Chak De releases.

Aak Ka SuSu- The Him Mess Movie

The trade papers are shouting and saying that Aap Ka Suroor has got a big opening. In fact they are saying its the biggest opening for any film released in the year. Just to rub salt where it really hurts they are singling out Dhoom2 and saying its, "even bigger than Dhoom 2". And all this hype is really making me very angry. You wonder why? read on...

Angry because the movie they are talking about is a shit pot. Actually make that a shit pit. They are all saying what a big opening its got, is anybody bothering to tell us how the audiences want to rip the cap from the singer's head and shove it up his nose. Nobody is telling us that. Nobody is telling us there is nobody in the theatres from monday onwards. Nobody is informing us that apart from the critics even the public has puked all over the seats in the cinema halls. Whats the big deal about a great opening? Every other film seems to make a historic opening and then it crumbles at the mercy of a Monday. Even Aap Ka Suroor met with the same fate.

So why are they making such a big deal about Himesh. Tell me tell you. Because its a delicious feeling that a new star is born. And one wont have to take the shit a handful of other stars who act too pricey...but then they dont know when you make someone like Himesh. In exactly two weeks even he gets as obnioxious as the others.

If this was a good film I would be the first one to applaud. But its not. If Himesh had surprised me with his acting talent i would accept it pronto but there too he has failed. So what does that make him- a singer who released a film. The magic worked and audiences who have heard his songs over the last five years a million times, got all "nosey" and rushed into the theatres to see what he has done. But what they saw was shocking. And everyone is singing one song now, " this man should stick to singing".

And for all these trade guys who have praised him- I have only one question to ask them, will you back the next film this man will release? Will you produce the movie he makes and put your money where your mouth is.. or where your nose is. I nose it...its a big "no"seeeeee!!!!!

Himesh tum ne to naak katwa dee yaar!!!!

(p.s: any body having any other personal or ENT problems with Himesh, please feel free to post it here...I have a NOSE for facts and more!)